In my mailbox:
Subject : Television Interview Enquiry
Hello there. My name is XXX and I am contacting you on behalf of XXX Productions: the largest independent television company outside London. I am interested in speaking to you with regards to a documentary we are making about Tom Cruise. We’d like to discuss your account of his actions at the MI3 premiere – apparently he spent 4 hours with fans. I also found your 4 points about Tom Cruise rather funny. Are you a Tom Cruise fan at all? Please email me at XXX and send a photo of yourself. Many
Thank you for your mail, and I am glad you liked my writings about Tom Cruise in London.
I have thought about your request a bit, and while claiming ones 15 minutes of TV fame might be interesting for a lot of people, I’m afraid I have to say no to your kind request. (a directly stolen line from Huge Grant in Notting Hill turning Julia down)
I am not really a Tom Cruise fan. I am a huge Bill Nighy fan though, and I would never be able to justify to Bill that I am doing an interview about Tom Cruise on TV.
So, may I suggest to you or your producer to not only make a documentary about Tom Cruise, but one about Bill Nighy as well? He is after all the best actor you’ve got in the UK, and he certainly deserves a bit of attention, especially now when he is bringing the house down in a David Hare play on Broadway in New York where he got rave reviews, and he has just won a Golden Globe yesterday too. You are more than welcome to contact me again when you are going to do a documentary about Bill Nighy, as said, I am a huge fan and know quite a bit about him so if I can be of any assistance let me know.
But I am afraid I have to say no to the Tom Cruise interview.
With the kindest regards,
After sending this mail, I went out to get some lunch. And who did I see, in South Croydon (the dodgy end), in his open silver coloured convertable car, with his car radio on soon-to-be-deaf listening to reggae music? Edgar Davids, who happens to play for Tottenham Hotspurs (London club) these days.